In the Scientific American’s Distance Therapy Comes of Age, by Robert Epstein states that with distant therapy you can, “see your progress in black and white,” referring to people who text with their therapist. The sessions are visible and can be reviewed for progress. Epstein also shares that “research demonstrates that remote email Chat voice or text can effectively treat cognitive, behavioral and emotional disorders.”
Text, Email, Video Are the Way of Therapy’s Future
My college age clients text me about their anxiety, relationships, school stress, etc. It is a quick and easy, confidential way to solve problems with a professional. At Innovative Counseling, I also work with mothers who are busy with children and benefit from a behavioral plan that can be developed by phone, skype, or texting. This plan is reviewed and revised weekly or biweekly as needed. It is helpful, convenient, and HIPPA compliant with the software used on my site. Couples sessions by video offer people convenience and emotional support and guidance through transitional periods. Although in person talk therapy will always be around, the new electronic tools are an option for many.
According to Taylor Trudon’s Huffington Post piece, 10 Lessons My Parent’s Divorce Taught Me, everyone should have a therapist.
In today’s society, Trudon says, “Having a therapist is like saying you have an Ipod. Everyone has one. They’re both expensive and you will listen to them repeat the same things over and over. Therapists are great because whether you’re in marital bliss or divorce inferno, they will tell you what your friends have been saying, but because they have a framed license hanging on their office wall and you’re paying $100 an hour, you’ll actually listen to them.”
This is true, many people wait too long to contact a therapist. Some people contact me when they have suffered far past what is needed, especially in marriage. One partner is considering leaving or is already having or has had an affair, has overspent money and put them in a critical situation, or one has withdrawn or has been using addictions — alcohol, drugs, shopping, porn, gambling, food — to soothe themselves. When trust has been broken and hurt and anger continue, sometimes it is too late.
When Is It Time to Seek Therapy?
1. When the same topic resurfaces with no resolve.
2. When your partner doesn’t seem to be listening and you don’t feel heard.
3. When you are talking negatively about each other. In a marriage, you need to feel like your partner “has your back.” This is the person to fall back on in this crazy world at the end of the day, the person you trust. The trust between two people is very delicate and has to be nurtured.
4. When there is any sign of verbal or physical abuse.
5. Before you move in together.
6. Before you get married and during major transitions such as deaths, births, relocations and new career choices.
Working with couples and helping them to see that most of us want the same thing: unconditional love, respect and acceptance is one of my practice’s greatest goals.
Many of the people who come to my office have waited too long. The communication and conflicts have continued for many years and they are thinking of leaving their marriage.
Everyone wants the same things; unconditional love, acceptance, and respect. Many of the clients that I see are expressing these needs in dysfunctional ways to each other. When I help each to see that they want the same thing, they start to heal their relationship. The secret is learning to express and hear the other’s needs in a way that you can both understand. I have helped many people with that and they are happily married today.
“There were no warnings; he just told me yesterday that he wants a divorce.”
I hear this same plea from women who call me and are shocked and off balance when their spouse hits them with this news.
Many of us are so busy with life, career, children, family, maintaining our health, appearance, and some social life, that we don’t have a lot of time to nurture our relationship with our partner. (Just one more thing to take care of!) But, there are warnings before your partner checks out.
Men who feel unneeded, unappreciated, or feel like they can’t please their partner will give up. Some of the signs are: they come home later, make excuses for their time away, show less interest in family activities, and gradually initiate sex less often. They may also be more irritable and critical.
To prevent this gradual decay, I recommend a technique that is useful with children: Give your spouse 10 minutes of undivided, uninterrupted, nonjudgmental time every day. Listen and say at least one positive thing that you love about him. You might have to dig, but there is always something. Make sure it’s an honest, truthful statement. Make eye contact and don’t expect anything from the encounter. The rewards will come later.
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